13 May 2020

Modern relationships podcast: Ep 6, How to separate well


Is the objective of ending a relationship well ever really achievable? Certainly, the perception is that divorce will always end badly, with a resulting impact on how couples can co-parent children. But as Julian Lipson and James Copson explain, there are practical steps that you can take to make the process better for all concerned, including choosing your lawyer carefully, using them constructively and being aware of the options available. Our guest speaker Louise Wigan also provides her experience of divorce, as well as her expertise as a therapist.

Category: Podcast

Takeaway points:

1. Looking after yourself and especially your mental health during a divorce is crucial.

2. Support is available: counselling, divorce coaching, and family therapy. Use it.

3. As for your choice of lawyer, it is important to carefully choose someone who you can work well with. Who you choose will often send a message to your spouse about how you want the case to be handled. Personal recommendations and objective websites are the best way to choose your professional support. Don’t simply rely on what people say about themselves on their websites.

4. Focus on your future relationship, rather than on past difficulties. This is especially important for parents, who will need to continue to have an important relationship long after the marriage has finished. Save in exceptional circumstances, behaviour during the marriage, and certainly the cause of its demise, is irrelevant to the arrangements for children and the division of finances.

5. If you have children, try to make sure all decisions are made with their best interests at heart. Think about the situation from their perspective.

6. Where possible, take your time when making decisions and make sure you have all the relevant information – very rarely do they need to be made quickly and their implications can be long lasting. It may be tempting to make decisions based on raw emotion, rather than careful thought and logic, but resist.

7. If no one feels like they have ‘won’, that’s a good sign. The fairest results often are when both parties feel they have ‘given a bit’.

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In conversation with...

Louise Wigan - Humanistic and addiction therapist

Louise is an addiction and co-dependency and relationship family therapist and holds weekly co-dependency groups for her clients.

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If you would like advice or guidance on any of the topics covered in the podcasts or on our website, please get in touch and a member of the team will contact you. If you are separating or approaching divorce, please provide a brief summary of your circumstances so that we can direct your enquiry swiftly to the right person.

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